


this is what you wanted

by hyerewolf



Category: Dreamcatcher (Korea Band)
Genre: Actress!Minji, Dreamcatcher ensemble, F/F, Non-Linear Narrative, Song: All You Had To Do Was Stay (Taylor Swift), at least in some places, bora as the voice of reason, vocalist!siyeon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:20:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25995916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyerewolf/pseuds/hyerewolf
Summary: Minji's still trying to pick up the pieces when Siyeon attempts to contact her again.
Relationships: Kim Minji | JiU/Lee Siyeon
Comments: 9
Kudos: 30
Collections: DreamCatcher Taylor Swift Ficfest 2k20





	this is what you wanted

**Author's Note:**

> shout out to marina for being hyped about this fic and therefore keeping me writing.

"I'd like to thank the judges, the director, the writers, our wonderful crew, and all of my lovely co-stars..." Her voice cracks slightly and Minji has to take a deep breath before she continues speaking. Her hands are starting to sweat around the statuette she's holding in her grasp. "I could never do it without you. I'd also like to thank my parents, my amazing friends, who continue to support me every step of the way, I really love you all. And I'd like to thank..."

Her eyes flick to the table she's been sitting at, but she doesn't find the face her heart aches for, only polite smiles of her co-stars. There's a pang in her chest as she searches the crowd, but in vain. She isn't there with her, there are only diplomatic smiles and jealousy behind a thin veil of joy.

From the corner of her eye, she sees the director of the show gesturing to her to wrap it up, as she has already taken too long. The hosts are shuffling awkwardly next to Minji.

"...I'd like to thank my fans. And everyone watching at home. Your support is irreplaceable to me. Thank you."

She walks back from the stage to her table, the prize for the best supporting actress heavy in her hands. A part of her hopes she'll lose it somewhere during the afterparty when the award show ends. To no avail - Yubin follows her like a shadow and makes sure the crystal needle doesn't get left behind anywhere as Minji swivels through the crowd and stops by every table possible, getting progressively more drunk.

She comes back to her apartment this night with champagne buzzing in her veins, but not enough of it to diminish the emptiness in her chest. The trophy lands on the shelf in the living room, right next to several other ones, though none of them as grand, and a lot of empty space.

* * *

"Why do we even need so many shelves?" asks Minji as she puts her bowl of cereal on yet another box of parts they ordered from Ikea. Right next to her, Siyeon is dutifully putting the bookcases together, one pin at the time.

"For your awards and trophies, duh." The younger girl rolls her eyes as if it's the most obvious thing, and reaches for another nail.

"I don't have any, silly," smiles Minji.

"Not yet!" Siyeon points the hammer at her. "But you will, soon! And then we need to be ready. And, well, I need some space for my books, too." She puts a nail into the bookshelf-in-making and leans over it to kiss Minji's cheek. "I'll be there when you get your first Korean Association of Film Critics Award, and you'll see me getting that business degree."

* * *

"Great work, everyone, take a five."

Three stylists rush over to Minji as soon as the director finishes the sentence, eager to take care of that one strand of hair that got misplaced during the scene they've just finished filming. The woman herself smiles politely at her co-star, who mumbles something about misplacing his cigarettes. Minji's happy they're scheduled for an argument scene next, because she simply wouldn't be able to stand the taste of tobacco if she had to kiss him.

She waits patiently until the stylists are done with both her hair and make up before walking over to the snack table, where Yubin is sitting, smiling at her phone.

"Who're you texting?" asks Minji, taking a bite of a slightly stale sandwich. She tastes cucumber and whinces slightly, but food is food and she's starving.

Yubin blushes - blushes! She's never done that! - and pockets her phone. Minji giggles to herself, only smiling harder after Yubin sends her a glare.

She hears a familiar _ping_ of a notification popping up on her own phone and almost drops the device when she reads the newest text.

_**From: +82 *** *** ***** _

_hey minji i understand if u don't want to talk or even know me but it would mean a lot if u came to our show next saturday. siyeon._

**_From: +82 *** *** ***_ **

_Location sent._

Her hands start shaking and head feels like it's floating meters away from her body. She calls the only person whose opinion she can trust.

* * *

She feels like she can't trust her voice once Siyeon finishes speaking.

"What do you mean?" asks Minji, so full of disbelief it's threatening to spill out in the form of tears. She tries to blink them away, to no avail. She's holding up her phone right in front of Siyeon's face, her last text very clearly visible on the screen. _I think we need to go separate ways._

"I need space," says the other girl, her hands raised defensively.

"Space," echoes Minji. "But what about our plans? Your degree?"

"Degree," Siyeon scoffs, "it doesn't make me happy anymore. I need to find something new."

When she's walked out, all of her necessities packed and gone as well, Minji, hands trembling and head aching from all the tears she knows she's about to cry, picks up her phone and dials one of the three numbers she knows by heart.

* * *

Bora, bless her heart, picks up right away.

"Don't do that," she says, and takes a loud slurp of her iced americano through a brightly colored straw. They're sitting in a small cafe, one of many in the filming area. Minji has a bucket hat on just in case, a complete disregard of the stylists' hard work, and cheap sunglasses she's bought so long ago their design is fashionable again.

"She's not worth it," chimes in Yoohyeon, swirling her sugary concoction in her transparent cup. It took her a little while longer to pick up the call, but she arrived as soon as she could, making her way through the heavy traffic.

Minji knows they're right. "But..."

"No 'buts'." Bora points her finger at her and Yoohyeon nods sternly.

Before either of them can argue any further, Yoohyeon's phone chirps loudly, the screen lighting up to show a new message notification for everyone to see. The girl flushes deep red and grabs the device off the table.

Minji perks up. "Is it Yubin?"

"No!"

"It is," chimes in Bora, looking over Yoohyeon's shoulder. The younger girl immediately pushes her away, locking her phone at the same time.

"You know I'll have to fire Yubin if you two actually start dating?" asks the actress, though she can't stop a smile creeping onto her lips.

Yoohyeon rolls her eyes as she stands up and starts to gather her stuff from the table and around her chair. "You wouldn't. Whatever. I gotta go now, but I'll text you guys later, bye! Love you, Minji!"

Her friends watch her skip out of the cafe with a poorly masked smile on her face and her phone buzzing in her hand.

Minji sighs as she puts her chin in her palm. "Ah, young love. Is there anything more beautiful?"

"You won't actually fire Yubin, right?"

"No way, she's too good of a babysitter." Minji waves her hand.

They both laugh at that. The comfortable silence that follows is interrupted by Bora.

"I really meant it when I said you shouldn't go."

"I know." Minji sighs, feeling like there's the weight of the world resting on her chest. Bora watches her closely, her lips a thin line.

"You're thinking about something," she says.

"I think I need a drink."

* * *

The bar is almost full and Minji finds herself bouncing her leg nervously as she watches the employee set up the wiring on the stage so small it can barely fit the drumset and two microphone stands. It doesn't help that the place itself is dinky and pretty poorly lit.

Minji sips on her drink, which is surprisingly good, at least considering the price and state of the place. She's about to talk to the bartender about getting a second one, when the people around her start murmuring louder and turning their attention to where the wiring guy disappeared.

Three girls walk out onto the stage and the crowd cheers loudly. Given how enthusiastic some of the patrons are, Minji figures this can't be the first time the trio has played here.

Loud applause fills the air as the shortest girl sits behind the drumset, her pink hair put up in two space buns. She twirls the drumsticks in her hands with a small smirk and clashes them together, giving the other girl Minji doesn't know, the one with long, fiery orange hair, a sign to start playing.

The first bass notes reverberate through the bar, the crowd starts swaying, and then Siyeon's swift finger start dancing on the neck of her guitar. The song's tempo picks up and soon some of the people in the bar are even headbanging. Minji watches them, entranced, and then Siyeon starts singing.

Her voice is just as rich and beautiful as Minji remembers from those multiple occasions when the younger girl decided to share the lyrics she's kept in her notebook with her. It's overwhelming, driving the crowd crazy, perfectly meshing with the voice of her redheaded friend. 

By the time they finish their first song, Minji has goosebumps on her arms, and when they finish their setlist for the night, she feels more alive than ever. The band's energy is simply contagious, making the people whoop loudly and clap until their hands hurt.

"Thanks for coming and listening, everyone," says Siyeon, a little breathless, a strand of hair stuck to her forehead. The crowd cheers, some people near the stage start stomping hard, making Minji feel like she's witnessing an earthquake. The sensation only grows when she sees Siyeon grin so brightly, like she's the happiest person in the world. Only someone blind wouldn't see how happy performing on stage made her. Minji feels foolish for never noticing that before.

"We're Howling and now we're going to play our last song for tonight." Some people start mock booing, wanting the show to go on. "It's the first time we're going to perform this one and I hope you like it, because it's very special to me."

It takes only a few seconds for Minji to recognize the first notes of the song, and she's rendered completely frozen when Siyeon's slightly raspy voice joins the smooth, bright melody. It's all but happy and as the vocalist sings about "favourite what-ifs" and "best never-knows", Minji is thrown back to one night more than a year ago, when Siyeon has played that melody for her on the piano that still occupies the corner of her living room. It had diffeerent lyrics back then, ones about love and forevers, not past tense and burnt bridges. 

Minji leaves the bar as soon as the last note resounds in the room.

* * *

The room is silent for a few seconds, save for the movie dialogue playing from the TV.

"You just have that bad habit of never learning from your mistakes, huh?" sighs Bora, putting her head in her hands. Minji looks at her like a kicked puppy.

"Please don't act so dissappointed."

They're cooped up on Bora's couch, some abysmally cliche rom com playing on the screen in front of them. It's their monthly tradition, one that goes back all the way to their college days when they used to watch the worst movies they could possibly find to de-stress.

"We told you not to do it, and did you listen? No," says Bora, shaking her head like a mother let down by her oldest child. In fact, she reminds Minji of one so much, that she can't help but mute the shorter girl out, picking up only little bits of "you'll make me go gray before I hit my 30s" and "just wait until I tell Yoohyeon about this, no, until I tell Yubin!".

They end up playing another movie, because Bora claims to still be extremely stressed and Minji figures she could use something to distract herself that isn't in any way connected to her work.

* * *

Minji gets back home after another long day on the set, her muscles aching after they had to film the same scene with her running several times. All she wants now is a long, relaxing bath before going to sleep.

She's barely managed to take off her shoes and coat, when her phone rings, announcing loudly a new incoming voice call. She picks up without even looking at the caller ID, expecting it to be her agent or, at worst, the director.

" _Hello?_ " A familiar voice makes her freeze in place. She's silent, but something must give away the fact that she's on the line, because...

" _Saw you at our last gig,_ " says Siyeon.

"Oh, really?" Minji tries to sound indifferent, even though her heart rate picks up. She attempts to focus on how soft her armchair is to keep herself grounded somehow.

" _Really. You're hard to miss. In the crowd, I mean. You're very easy to miss in every other way._ "

"Thanks," mumbles Minji after a long pause.

" _I wanted to talk to you after our set was over, but I couldn't find you,_ " the other girl goes on as if she didn't notice anything, as if they were just friends that 

"You're surprised?"

" _Ah, not really... It wasn't very fair of me, was it? I want to make it up to you. I was wondering, you know, if you'd like to maybe grab a dinner with me sometime. Sometime soon._ "

"Oh." Minji's armchair is suddenly too soft, almost as if it's swallowing her up. Still, she stays put, almost unable to move.

" _Just to talk, nothing else. It's been a while since we did,_ " Siyeon continues. " _I know a nice place near your apartment,_ " she adds after a beat.

"Just to talk, yeah?"

* * *

They catch up while waiting for their food to be served. The place is indeed nice, just like the younger girl promised, all cozy and lowkey enough for both of them to feel comfortable.

Minji learns that Siyeon met the two other members of Howling - Gahyeon and Handong - in some club in Tokyo, because of course she went to Japan during the last year. "To find my style," she says, taking a sip of the craft beer she's ordered.

Suddenly, Minji feels that despite how incredible her life is, with all those galas, and meeting well-known actors and directors, it's also very boring when compared to the other girl's. Siyeon must sense how less than relaxed she's become - _of course she does, she's always been great at understanding her without any words_ \- because she puts down her glass and smiles gently.

"Congratulations on the latest award, by the way," she says, "you looked stunning."

Minji's hand stops in the middle of raising a bite of food to her mouth. "You saw the show?"

"Of course." Siyeon shrugs, like it's the most obvious thing she could ever do. "And the pictures online. Though I'm sure you looked even better in the flesh." She gets quiet for a second, her eyes drifting to the side. "I wish I could see it in person." The remark is quiet; maybe Siyeon didn't want the other girl to hear her. 

Minji wants to say something. She _should_ say something. The words are stuck in her throat, bitter like bile and just as unpleasant. 

"Thank you," is all she can utter, for the sake of keeping the conversation neutral.

Siyeon notices the way Minji's forehead creases the tiniest bit and how her jaw tenses up just a little, so, as if she realized her mistake, she carefully steers the talk away from the topic and onto some more even ground. It works; she asks Minji about her new project, and she tells her as much as she can without breaking the contract. From there, the conversation ebbs and flows as it pleases when they finally fall back into the comfort of their shared private language.

They keep talking as they leave the restaurant and start walking down the sidewalk, Siyeon insisting on both paying for the food and walking Minji home. If she tried hard enough, Minji could convince herself that the past year was just a bad dream, something her brain made up to make her feel miserable.

They stop once they reach the gates of Minji's apartment complex.

"Well, I guess that's it." Siyeon kicks something, a quiet clatter of a pebble rolling away sounding like thunder in Minji's ears.

"I guess."

Suddenly, Siyeon takes a step forward and she's so close, too close for there to be a way out without making everything awkward, and when Minji doesn't push her away immediately, she understands it as an invitation to close the gap. 

Even after all this time, Siyeon's lips feel as good against hers as she remembers; it's like coming back home after a tiring day of work and Minji's body fills with familiar warmth before her blood turns into ice. She pushes the other girl away, gently yet firmly enough. She tries not to notice the soft sound of confusion escaping Siyeon's throat.

"Please," she whispers, taking a step back, "don't."

"I can't let you go just like that." There's something in Siyeon's voice that makes Minji's heart break into a thousand pieces, a certain type of helplessness. The younger girl looks just so small, desperation in her eyes, her lips parted.

"You let me go a long time ago." As she says that, Minji feels a realization dawn on her; she wasn't Siyeon's anymore. Hasn't been in a long time. "You can't just waltz back into my life and expect me to still be yours."

Siyeon opens her mouth and clearly wants to say something - most likely deny everything - but no sound comes out from her lips. She just seems to get smaller, more akin to a kicked baby animal than the confident flirt she's been the whole night. She closes her mouth, still speechless.

"Go home, Siyeon. Get some sleep. Write a song, or two, or a dozen, and get over me, because I'm planning to finally do the same." Minji turns on her heel, forcingly tearing her eyes away from Siyeon's, full of disbelief. She's seen those eyes before once, in the bathroom mirror, that one night when they broke up. "Good luck," says Minji and walks away, each step lighter than the previous one.

* * *

She feels like she's floating when she climbs the stairs to the stage, cameras flashing, bright lights and flashes almost blinding her as she walks up to the microphone stand. A golden statuette is put in her hands, alongside a bouquet of flowers.

"Getting the award for the beest new actress has been my dream since I decided that I wanted to pursue this career," she confesses into the microphone when the crowd stops their applause. "But I never thought I could actually achieve it. I never would if it wasn't for my two precious best friends..."

She comes back home sober, the statuette glimmers on the shelf where she puts it, next to all the other awards and picture frames filled with photos of her friends - Bora and Yoohyeon on most of them, sometimes accompanied by Yubin, the rest of Minji and her various co-stars. They're all smiling. She smiles as well.

**Author's Note:**

> twt/cc: bbywolfs
> 
> come and tell me what song do you think howling played that made minji leave the bar lol


End file.
